You start to like a girl, so you want to spend more time with her.
As your feelings grow for her, so too does your attachment to that future with her.
You really want to kiss her. Sleep with her. Make her your girlfriend.
So much so, in fact, that you start to get nervous and insecure around her. And you start to feel a little possessive.
You're texting her and she tells you about her plans to see a band play on Friday night... and all you can think is "why didn't she invite me?"
You're on your second date with her and she tells you that she went out to the bar last weekend. You immediately wonder if she gave her number out to any other guys.
And you start looking for ways to "lock down" the future. You try to get her to commit to plans... you subtly hint at the strength of your feelings for her... maybe you even come out and ask her how she feels about you.
I probably don't need to tell you that NONE of this is attractive to a girl.
Yet it's weird, because when you like a girl, it feels very natural to do this stuff.
So what's the solution?
Well, it's simple, but paradoxical.
When you're with her, you focus on having as MUCH fun as you can while you're together... and NOT trying to confirm anything or lock anything down.
Think about it: if you have tons of fun the first time you hang out with someone... wouldn't you want to see them again?
And if it just kept going like that - where you had a great time every time you hung out - wouldn't it be easy to end up in a relationship with them?
But if they were a nervous wreck the whole time, and tried to PUSH you into spending more time with them... the only way you'd do it would be out of guilt.
And sorry to say it, but guilt doesn't get girlfriends.
So lesson number 1: live in the moment and focus on smiling, and putting a smile on her face, when you're together.
Now let's take this one step further. Because not only do we want a girl to have a ton of fun when she's hanging out with you, but we want her to "invest" in a future with you so she starts thinking about you a lot... and eventually obsessing over you.
I've got a saying for this:
"Live in the Moment, Flirt with the Future"
When you're with a girl, you're ALWAYS living in the moment. You have as much fun with her as possible, and you trust that... if you do so... she'll be as excited to spend more time with you as you are with her.
But you ARE going to "flirt with the future."
In other words, you're going to drop little hints of stuff that you're doing... and stuff that she should do with you... but you're going to mention them so casually that she won't know if you're even being serious about it.
For example, if you're talking about your favorite pizza place in the city...
"Wait, you haven't been to Artichoke Pizza? It’s amazing. We're going there next time we hang out. They actually take Artichoke dip, mix it with cheese and bake it onto a deep dish pizza. Where have you been that could possibly top that??"
Notice - a subtle mention of "next time we hang out." But there was no attempt to confirm it. In fact, you're so casual and confident that there will, in fact, be a "next time" that she'll feel even more attraction towards you.
Here's another example.
"So you've never tried rock climbing? No? Damn, it's a great time, I'll have to take you sometime. What kind of outdoor stuff are you into?"
Notice how casual you are when you say this. Very confident assumption that you're going to take her to do something... then you move right on to ask her a question.
"You like Dazed and Confused too? I thought I was the only one! Ok, we gotta do a movie marathon. What are some of your other favorite movies?"
Notice - you're FLIRTING with the future. Touch and go. A casual suggestion to do a movie marathon... then right back into another question.
Well, it forces you to look for commonalities with the girl, and also talk about things that you're into, so that's a great start.
Then, it subtly demonstrates that you're confident in the fact that - if you want to - you can see her again. Trust me, women notice this.
And most importantly, it creates so many "future memories" of stuff that the two of you are going to do together.
Her brain fills up with images of having an awesome time with you, doing all sorts of fun stuff. She knows it's going to be fun because you always live in the moment when you're with her. And because you're not needy or trying to "overconfirm" your plans, she wonders if you even mean all of this stuff... which makes her wonder if you even really like her...
... and at that point, the tables are turned, and SHE'S the one who's going to try to lock YOU down.
By the time my clients get to a second date with a girl, they usually have a list, twenty items long, of stuff that they’d casually suggest doing together. And as long as they’re having fun with her and she's having fun with them, they’re going to keep spending time together.
When you "live in the moment, flirt with the future" you are going to have such a huge advantage over other guys, even if they've got money, looks or a chiseled body. It's truly the quickest shortcut to her heart, and getting her to think of you as a boyfriend.
And did you notice how we’re not doing anything sleazy, manipulative, or unethical? That’s how guys in The Social Man Crew roll.